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First person you came out to...

Posted by Broom on Jan 16 2012 at 6:14 am

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Broom

Who was it?
How did they react?
Did you come out on purpose or were you found out of the closet?

Posted 1 year ago | Permalink
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MJ

I came out to my Best Friend. She was the only outlet. And is still around even after 15 years. :D

Posted 1 year ago | Permalink
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Broom

@MJ: How did she react?

Posted 1 year ago | Permalink
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LaVidaLoca

@Broom, You should answer it too :)

Posted 1 year ago | Permalink
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MJ

@ Broom : She was quite chilled out and then again we were only 15 or something. I guess kids that age are more accepting. But what did take me a back was when I came out to my cousin about two years ago. She had read my then GF's lovey sms but waited for me to pour my heart in a glass filled to the brim with Rasna.

I couldn't stop crying and it was not out of guilt or anything, just overwhelmed that I could actually talk it out with a close family member. And lucky for me, she was amazing and has been ever since. :D

Posted 1 year ago | Permalink
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Broom

Ok here goes:
First person?
My male best friend.
Reaction?
He was so amazingly supportive. It felt like I could breathe again, after I talked to him about it.
Planned?
Not really. We talked about my marriage ending & he asked if it was because of another woman. I was shocked and said 'Oh my god! How did you guess?' & he said, 'The ex is really seeing another woman?!' That's when I laughed & said - actually it was me that was seeing another woman!

Posted 1 year ago | Permalink
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Rashmi

First person?
My ex while I was still confused on where I was.
To my Best"est" of friends(I love you, N!). This was my first real coming out.

Reaction?
ex: Confused like myself.
N: Asked me, So? That doesn;t change anything.

Planned?
ex: Yeah Kinda - I wanted to be honest in my relationship.
N: Totally. Rehearsed like a dozen times. Infact I carried a post-it :)

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misszero

First Person?

one of my best friends (we'll call her N)

Planned?

not at all - one of N's other best friends was visiting for a long weekend, and i had a double room to myself in our dorm. N's friend (let's call her B) was a totally out lesbian (a super hot one!), and i was completely fascinated by her, in that silly "i'm-so-far-in-the-closet-that-i'm-in-narnia" way, so i totally offered to take her in for the nights, never imagining that anything would happen because i was way too damn scared and not at all out or anything.

long story short, B didn't sleep in the guest bed - she stayed in mine, and neither of us slept. and N is so perceptive that she would have been sure to notice that something was up, so the next day, i pretty much strutted down the hall at 7 AM (which is waaaaayyyy too early to do anything on a weekend when you're in college :-p) and said "yeaaahhhh so i like girls too. and B and i just sort of hooked up". i didn't sugar-coat it or anything, haha

Reaction?

lethargic, mostly because it was 7 AM. and awkward, because N is on the prude end of the spectrum, and doesn't like thinking about hooking up, in general. but she was incredibly accepting, and so kind and supportive about the whole thing that it gave me the courage to slowly (reaaalllllly slowly) start figuring my shit out and live life the way i wanted to

Posted 1 year ago | Permalink
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tink

First Person I came out to?
The famous S of all my blog posts. On email.

Planned?
Um... no. I was crying in the middle of the night and if I'd been in College I'd have called S and sat weeping in his room, but I was in California, so I started to write an email that was only meant to say "I'm depressed. I miss you." but instead the full monty rolled out. And I clicked send before I could erase it all and return to the closet.

Reaction?
A reply email I read every time I feel down and out.

Posted 1 year ago | Permalink
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thanatos

Hmm I never really came out, i just told my friends I like a guy currently and that I don't need to redefine myself, but I'm attracted to guys and girls and it's not a big deal. they were all okay with it, being gay/bi isn't a big deal where I live.

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Anurag

My best friend from High School, who went to the same college as me.
She was always an ally to the LGBTQ community, so I knew she would react well.
Since I knew she would be accepting, and I hated keeping things from her, I felt like I would burst if I didn't tell her!

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Queer Coolie

I told my older sister. By e-mail.

I needed to tell her and know where she stood because in the larger scheme of things, it was important because I planned to tell my mother sometime soon.
We had brunch 36 hrs post my e-mail. Which was awkward. I was itching to get away. She caught on. When we got back to our respective homes - She sent me the following email (quid pro quo, right?) :

"I have the feeling things were left a little incomplete today. Like I said, no, I do not really have any more questions now - I'm not really sure how I'm expected to handle this as I haven't done it before. I do want you to know however, that no matter what, I'm always there on your side to support you. You can always count on me to stand up for you and remember that you'll always be my little sister, and I'll always love you as a person. I think it is important that you be comfortable in your skin - and I'm sure your decision to tell me about this, and accept it yourself took a lot of courage - I respect you for that. I know mom and dad too, can and will be supportive of your choices. I realize the road ahead might not be easy, but know that you have your family's backing. I hope this makes you feel a little better. "

And I cried. Darn these hormones :)

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Broom

@QC: What a sweet letter!

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Queer Coolie

@Broom: I'll be sure to tell her :)

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Easy Seasons

Awesome QC!

Posted 9 months ago | Permalink
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sasha

The first person I came out to is my friend S, who I have known for just about 2 years now.

Why did I choose her? Well, coz she and I have had this crazy on and off friendship and so I felt that I could take a risk with her, if she again decided to walk away.

How did she reacted? Extremely well. She was the one who suggested that I may be a bisexual and I am still exploring that possibility. She was the one who gave the link to your blog, Broom :) And this has been a win-win situation for me so far :)

I am soooo glad to be here!

Cheers!

Posted 9 months ago | Permalink
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GlideRide

I first came out to my ex and he was very supportive. He helped me come out to myself.
And we have been best friends ever since :) Such friends are hard to find..

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dpnwta

2 friends.. one from Animation, the other from Product design, my best buddies at the Insti, we were the inseparable trio. Animator called it a passing phase while Product Designer immediately checked if I wanted some handcrafted 'toys'! :)

Posted 8 months ago | Permalink
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Rashmi

high five 'glideride'. ditto!!!

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GlideRide

@Rashmi haha *hi-five* back ! :P

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Madhu

I first came out to my parents before my eighteenth birthday.

It was a conscious decision, and I tried to be all subtle about it -I was living in Houston back then, and so I borrowed books from the lgbt section and left them lying randomly all over the house, hoping it would force my parents to initiate a dialogue with me. However, they simply ignored the books, and ultimately I was the one who had to man up and have 'the talk' with them.

The saddest part was that though they were tolerant (albeit only after a lot of tears and irrationality) they never truly accepted it.. They resisted every attempt from me to educate them about homosexuality. I gave them books on lgbt parenting and tried to show them videos on how to 'cope with' and 'support' their 'gay child', but they never took an active interest, being content with my stellar high school grades and strong moral values and writing my homosexuality off as a 'phase' (which I kept reminding them every conversation since, that it's not).

With time, they've grown a little more accepting of my life choices (e.g. I sent my mother a photograph of me and my then-bf kissing; nothing like a little shock therapy to get the point across, right? but her reaction was far tamer that I would've expected..), and although I wish there were more proactive about my sexuality (i.e. educating themselves, taking part in rallies, etc.), I accept that they're Indian and that they are never truly going to be able to be let go of old paradigms completely. At the end of the day, they love me and I love them.. And this in and of itself has been a blessing.

Posted 8 months ago | Permalink
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Shri

@Madhu : *Hugs* . It is awesome that you have made peace with the fact. My story is almost the same. Desi parents are always "work in progress"!. God bless us, Gaysis with tonz and tonz of patience!

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JD

hey guys !

Dealing with my homosexuality; coming from an iyengar, brahmin family with the added bonus of being the middle of 3 boys ; obviously hasn't been a joyride ! Growing up - I was bullied and demoralized by my elder brother for being different from the other boys i.e timid, meek, shy, disinterested in sports , getting too comfortable with the opposite sex and being a momma's boy all the way ...As soon as i hit 14 ... i knew i was gay .... but like the majority of us ... i was in complete denial . I tried to ignore facing myself , facing the truth of it all, but in my core ... i knew nothing can change . I prayed the almighty and i blamed him for what I am. I subconsciously built brick by brick a wall .... to shield myself! ..I distanced myself from friends and family in fear of rejection. It was just my canine companions and me , i was soaked in the unconditional love they ooze ! .... I left home to pursue my medical education ...closed off and a loner , i clinched every chance of going home and so i did , still do , every holiday , every weekend. but, ultimately i did find an amazing bunch of people who do accept me with all my quirks (they think i'm straight anyway). Suddenly , i found my self attracted to one of them . I couldnt stop thinking or talking about her . I thought this must be a sign that my gayness was probably just a phase ... but .. in vain. The reality of myself hit my like a sucker punch during our relationship. I did love her but i wasnt attarcted to her , i wasnt attracted to probably one of the most beautiful girls ive ever met.
I broke it off with her , she blamed herself , i was in despair, my conscience was killing me.
and then the fateful moment arrived ... the moment i was secretly , eagerly waiting for. My guilt drove me to come out to her . with a lump in my throat , trembling with red nerves , a flushed face and sweaty palms . at almost the stroke of midnight... i told her over the phone... " I'm Gay...." .... She thought i was kidding. She was confused. She thought i took our break-up too hard on myself and thats why ... She tried convinvcing me that I'm not... I't took me till the break of dawn to convince that I am... She said " I'm touched, I will always be there for you , I'm happy for you ... " ... I owe the new hope that the same old sun brought with its rise at dawn , I owe it to the most selfless girl ... my best friend !

Posted 8 months ago | Permalink
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Queer Coolie

Your stories are pretty darn awesome Madhu and JD !! :D

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su1989

First person?
My best friend in college. I had known her for barely 2 months at that time but still chose her on an impulse cuz I'd never met anybody crazier than she was :)

Reaction?
Shocked. Me that is, when she said she'd guessed as much!! She was totally cool about it and very supportive. She's the reason I had the courage to come out to my sister and most of my friends.

Planned?
Kind of. Had planned to tell her a long time ago but kept chickening out of it. One fine day there's this really boring lecture going on in class and she turns to me and says so whats up with you these days and I have this now or never feeling, so I came out to her and spent the rest of the day answering all sortsa crazy doubts and questions, in class (was pretty sure we were about to get kicked out a couple of times too).!!
Anyway long story short its the best decision i ever made in my life and now i have a trusted friend i can talk to about almost anything and friends i know will stand by me through all my ups and down :)

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Shri

@JD : Wow! That was intense! I am glad it all worked out at the end. hugs!

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DennisTM

I think I told my sister first. I used to chat on this chat applet called mIRC on a chatroom called #gaypakistani. She used to be really curious why I was so hell bent on spending ages on the computer all the time. And I sorta pointed at it one day and said... thats why. She didnt say anything but went and ratted to my older brother. LOL. I told her cause I thought she would understand better. We spoke about it too randomly once in a while for the next 6 years. My brother on the other hand wasnt very comfortable or accepting during that time. (Fast forward) She never believed that a man could be gay. And she told my dad the day after she got married cause she thought that since she's leaving the family it would be wrong to leave this 'catastrophe' hidden from him. I don't speak to either of them anymore but my brother... he's been a rock.

(I know you will probably never read this but I love you, bhaiyya.)

And for some reason, all I read a goody-goody tales in this thread. I am sure there are people with bad stories. Out with them. We can take it like a woman! =)

Posted 4 months ago | Permalink
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adorkable

When I was 18 (I'm 20 now), I was skulking about on Orkut, because I heard there was an active gay community there. After talking to some 50 people (most of whom were creeps), I chanced upon this amazing guy who would come to be my first boyfriend. Technically, he's the first person I came out to.
But the first person I really consider is one of my female best friends. She was studying in England and I left her an offline message saying I had to tell her something really important and it couldn't be done over Skype or Gtalk. I finally met her a month later. It took about 20 minutes for me to say it and when I finally did, all I could manage was, "I'm not very straight."
She didn't tell me this at the time, but when I came out to her, she was relieved, because initially she thought I was going to tell her I was in love with her!
She was extremely supportive and happy and curious. Pretty much what I expected :)

@Dennis: The situation with my family is SO awkward, it's not funny. I was "found out" by my brother. He doesn't like talking about it. My mother cried when I told her. And I haven't really had a conversation with my father about it. I'm still asked questions about how many girlfriends I have.

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Practical

First person:
the first person i came out to was a friend of mine..not a very close friend and and the craziest person i know till date!
Reaction:
kept laughing on and on...and den asked me really?? wen i said yes...she started laughing again...i had this speech ready in my mind..but didn't get any chance to deliver it....damn!! but she did go on to become a very good friend of mine...she is the reason i got the courage to come out to another two friends of mine...both of them were very supportive...
and most important of all...my brother..i cannot describe how cool he was about the whole thing.....
the most important thing all of them said was that it does not change anything...that it does not matter to them...!!
Planned:
yes...each and every time!!

Posted 2 months ago | Permalink
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LoveFilled

To my best friend, we were 15. She was shocked. And little did I know that her mother, in whom she confided later regarding this, was deeply homophobic. Her mum then straight went to my mum. And that was the beginning of total alienation from my family, friends, my whole entourage.
I still don't regret I trusted the wrong person to come out to. 'coz she outed me to everybody and I could have never done that by myself. Since then I met many more homophobes and that's why today I'm ready to fight not only for myself but for my gay brothers and sisters too.
Come out gay people! It might be painful, dangerous, etc.. For some of us, it might be milder too... But hey, remember, the heterocentrics wants us in the closet... Let's not give them that pleasure...

Posted 2 months ago | Permalink

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